patsy

So it goes something like this. The Conman – so called because of his history of telling a player he was leaving the server and dumping his stuff so he could find out where the other player’s base was by teleporting to him (a standard enough scumbag Rust exchange) – talks The Patsy into asking to be a moderator.

The Admin, a long-time observer of human nature (and has trodden in some of it), quietly smiles and knows by experience where this is all going. The Admin WAS a little surprised though about how fast it got there, expecting it to take a couple of days not hours, and secretly was hoping that it wouldn’t turn out like it did because you have to extend trust out to people, right?

Anyway, The Conman doesn’t want to upset The Admin because he likes playing on the server, but desperately wants to know where the current enemy base is without putting in any legwork.  So he selects The Patsy to do his dirty work for him knowing he’s expendable and that anything that happens to The Patsy isn’t The Conman’s fault if The Patsy is dumb enough to fall for it all.

So The Patsy, trying to impress The Conman for whatever reasons of his own, does what The Conman wants and asks The Admin if he could be a moderator. The Admin realises in the first five minutes or so what’s going on and thinks “Hey, what the hell, we need a cautionary tale to post on the server for other potential moderators to read,” and more importantly to let people like The Conman and The Patsy know that he knows EXACTLY what’s going on.

The Admin has through his long life met people like The Conman and The Patsy (The Patsy himself a junior Conman in training, but really not very good at it) many times, and these people always think he has no clue as to what they were doing. The Admin has always seen this as an insult to his intelligence, and so for fun in these cases has always played along with the likes of The Conman and The Patsy and has consistently manipulated them into making themselves look ridiculous for the world to see. Often just by giving them enough rope to hang themselves.

The Admin doesn’t apologise for this behaviour because he fucking well enjoys it. He’s EVIL when it comes to making those naughty people who deserve it look like the morons they are, and what’s more The Admin REALLY LIKES to let them know what he did to them afterwards. Sometimes overtly, but more often by implication and a quiet smile at their angry faces.

And amateurs like The Conman and The Patsy are just there to feed this particular fetish he enjoys. The Admin sees it as a bit of harmless fun and overall believes it makes the world a slightly better place.

Well, it makes The Admin’s world a slightly more enjoyable place anyway.

And so after doing all the right things in the right order (you have to keep up appearances even when you’re having a bit of fun), he lets the far-too-over-eager Patsy have moderator status. The Admin knows what’s going to happen and sits back to watch the map. The Admin knows that neither The Patsy nor The Conman realise he can watch them without being on the server, so they have no clue he can see their movements.

The Admin sees The Conman and The Patsy moving around the map together, and turning up at the enemy base. “Well that’s that,” says the Admin to himself and waits for the coming shit storm.

The Conman and The Patsy are later called out by the raided players for being the scumbag little weasels that they are and sees the complaints turn up, but even so The Admin IS a little surprised to see The Patsy being dumb enough to fly around shooting other players, here captured on video.

The Admin then acts on these complaints and removes moderator status from The Patsy and bans him forever from playing on the GameKeeper.io servers.

The Conman of course has done nothing wrong. He was smart enough to get The Patsy to do it for him, so The Conman can continue to play on the GameKeeper.io servers knowing that he’s burned The Patsy in the name of a bit of fun and revenge. Overall I’d say they were both at least one point down, although The Conman (who knows him in real life) has to look The Patsy in the eye at some point and say “Sorry,” so maybe a few points down. Was it worth it?

Well. The Admin has a mildly interesting tale to tell. One point up.

The enemy players have moved to server #2 (which I think they prefer), and The Admin apologises for putting them through this trouble on #1, but thinks that sometimes “you have to crack eggs to make an omelette.” As a result of this little exercise, everybody knows what happened, the relevant people have been dealt with and it’s all been done in what’s seen to be a fair and even handed manner. (I’ll make it up to you guys who got stung when this happened. I don’t know how yet, but I will.) A few points up.

It’s made the GameKeeper.io servers a better and more enlightened place to be, and any future potential Conman and Patsy duo (or trio, or whatever) can be referred to this cautionary tale and think long and hard before they try to fuck anyone over. I know it’s me who’s keeping score here, but that’s several points up in my book.

The winners? The Admin and all other future players.

The losers? The Conman and The Patsy – worse still, they have to live with each others company.

Peace out, and keep it real folks.

-PPlank